Thank you for choosing to stay at the The Hotel of the Gods! We are delighted to welcome you to the beautiful Mount Parnassus Resort, and trust you will have a truly ambrosial stay with us!

To facilitate your enjoyment, we offer a complimentary guidebook to all our guests. This guidebook lists a number of local features, and also contains special offers, so be sure to mention that you are staying here when visiting local attractions!

A quick note before you get started: At the Hotel of the Gods, we value all our customers, mortal and immortal, and we want to ensure that your stay here is memorable for the right reasons. We ask that you pay attention to the safety notes in this guidebook, and in the event of an emergency, please follow the instructions of our friendly staff. It’s our job to look after you – your job is to relax and enjoy your stay!

Natural Features

Mount Parnassus is justly famous for its beauty and for its historic interest. Popular with climbers, the mountain offers scenic views of olive groves, and is a short trip away from the Gulf of Corinth. Rock climbing and hiking equipment can be rented at reception, and we encourage you to speak to one of our friendly staff about guided tours. A detailed map of the area, including features of local interest, can be found at the back of this booklet. If you do find yourself hiking alone, please check the map, and take careful note of the location of the groves. These are sacred to Dionysus, and should be strictly avoided, unless you are part of a retreat group.

A local feature of particular beauty is the fountain Castalia, whose waters are said to inspire the gift of poetry in those who drink it. There are also a number of sacred springs that are suitable for bathing in. We ask that you respect the privacy of others who may be visiting these springs. Parnassus is home to a number of nymphs, muses and goddesses, none of whom take kindly to voyeurs. We recommend calling out a friendly ‘Evohé’ as you approach, and waiting for a reply before continuing.

In the event that you are transformed into a stag or other prey animal by an angry goddess, try not to panic. The Hotel of the Gods offers an extensive sanctuary for transformed guests. Stay calm, make sure you run faster than the dogs, and make your way to the east end of the resort, and you will be safe. Our kitchens can supply you with juicy bones infused with a sleeping potion on demand, and we encourage hikers to carry such a bone in their rucksack while camping.

Unfortunately, the Hotel of the Gods is unable to offer a re-humanising service at this time, but our medical facilities are extensive, and our doctors have been trained by Great Apollo himself. We also have several specialists in Transformative Therapy who can assist you and your families in adjusting to your situation.

Flora and Fauna

Mount Parnassus is known for its flora and fauna. Many of the animals here are very tame, and some of them were previously human. Do not be alarmed if you are approached by a talking animal. Most of them are quite friendly.

Female guests are advised to approach with caution any animal behaving in an unusually amorous fashion. Zeus does not visit Mount Parnassus often, however when he does, he frequently assumes the form of a swan, a bull or even an ant, and he is known to be rather enthusiastic in his amours. While bearing the child of a God can be advantageous, we would advise our guests to avoid Zeus if possible. His wife, Hera, takes a very dim view of adultery, and the Hotel of the Gods cannot take responsibility for any guests transformed into statuary, plants, or animals by angry goddesses. We do, however, reserve a certain number of places in our greenhouse every year for those transformed into particularly delicate flora.

We recommend that female guests consider making a temporary vow of service to Hera on arrival, as this is both pleasing to the Goddess of Marriage and generally discouraging to Zeus. Our kitchen can provide you with the appropriate sacrificial cakes for your ritual.

The Oracle at Delphi

The Oracle at Delphi is a notable local feature and well worth a visit. The Hotel of the Gods is proud of its positive relationship with Pythia, the current Oracle, and the charmingly accurate weather chart and almanac that hangs above our front desk is her work.

Many of our guests come to Mount Parnassus specifically to visit the Oracle. Before you do so, please consider if general advice is right for you. It is not unusual for those who consult the Oracle to misunderstand her pronouncements, and this can lead to highly unfortunate outcomes. If you think this might be you, we recommend visiting a sacred spring instead.

If you really do need to speak to the Oracle, the following guidelines will assist you in achieving the best possible predictive experience:

• Be polite, concise and specific. No good ever came of insulting an Oracle, and vague questions breed vague answers. You would be surprised to learn how much of the Oracle’s reputation for gnomic statements is the result of poorly-worded questions.
• Do not haggle. This is very bad manners, and is also counterproductive. Visitors who are considering attempting to strike a bargain are advised to acquaint themselves with the history of Tarquinius the Proud and the Sibylline books, and to think again.
• Listen carefully to the Oracle’s words. Our more experienced guests take detailed notes of the Oracle’s remarks. We advise checking these notes with one of the Oracle scribes before you leave Delphi, and having them countersigned by an authorized Oracle. This protects both you and the Oracle if there is any confusion down the track.
• Pay attention to punctuation, and ask for clarification if you are not sure what the Oracle means. If you think punctuation is unimportant, consider the difference between ‘go and return, not die in war’ and ‘go and return not, die in war’, and think again.
• Check your assumptions. The Oracle does not lie, but it is important to pay attention to exactly what she has and has not said. ‘A great empire will fall’ may sound like good news before a battle, but before you celebrate, ask yourself whether your own empire might be considered great.
• Remember – it’s OK to ask questions – that’s what the Oracle is there for.

Cultural Attractions

Mount Parnassus is home to the Muses, and is also sacred to Apollo, the God of Music and Healing. Over the centuries, artists from Orpheus to Homer have sought and found inspiration on the mountain, and in the modern era, writers, musicians, artists and even scientists have visited Parnassus and had new life breathed into their work. Many of our muses have studios which are open to the public for several hours a week – ask one of our friendly staff to show you the list for this week. We would like to draw your attention particularly to Urania, muse of Astronomy, who will be giving a series of public lectures and night sky tours every Monday throughout the year, as well as two workshops on telescope building.

The Hotel of the Gods is proud to announce that we will be hosting the 1st Annual Parnassus Festival of Arts and Culture in April 2016.  Please see the enclosed flyer for more information, or visit www.parnassusfestival.com to register.

Women’s Wellness Retreats

Our beautiful mountain has long been held sacred to Dionysus. The Hotel of the Gods is delighted to announce that we now employ three full-time Maenads, who lead women’s wellness retreats in the local groves. These retreats run for five days, and unlimited wine, fawnskin robes and ivy wreaths are included in the package. Our retreats are a truly liberating and empowering experience, and are popular with Hen’s Night parties, as well as for mothers and daughters who want some special time together.

Male guests, please note that these retreats are for women only, and the privacy of delegates is strictly guarded. Pay attention to the signage and be sure to keep away from the groves when retreats are in progress. The hotel takes no responsibility for guests who find themselves rent limb from limb while ignoring these guidelines. Stay safe, stay calm, and if you hear chanting, leave at once.

For our female guests returning from retreat, we offer a first class laundry service that specializes in bloodstain removal. We also have a fantastic barbecue and outdoor kitchen facility, where guests can cook and serve anything and anyone they have hunted during the retreat. Take advantage of our post-Retreat special and book your barbecue today!

Activities for Children

At the Hotel of the Gods, we are committed to providing a memorable visit for guests of all ages, and have a number of amenities and activities for children on site. Some of our more popular facilities are listed below.

• Our salt-water swimming pool complex is designed both for serious swimmers and for those who just like to wade. There is a diving pool, an area for lap swimming, and a large, shallow pool, perfect for relaxing and water games. All the pools have been blessed by Poseidon, and our staff naiads can provide swimming lessons, and will keep an eye on your children while they swim.
• We have a brand new adventure playground, with a ‘12 Labours of Hercules’ theme, guaranteed to keep the most active child entertained for hours, if not days.
• Our grounds house a world-famous Puzzle Park, where children can solve riddles put to them by our retired sphinx, and try their hand at a maze designed by Daedelus himself. Because your safety is our priority, we have the maze inspected monthly to maintain its minotaur-free certification. For those who are worried about getting lost, balls of gold thread are available at the garden gate – ask for Ariadne.
• If your child is musically or artistically inclined, there are many opportunities for him or her to learn and be inspired. Talk to our friendly staff about ‘Muses for Midgets’, our special arts program for the kids!
• The Hotel of the Gods does not have on-site childcare, however we have a good relationship with Argus Panoptes, and highly recommend his services. Argus has several thousand years of experience in working with children, he rarely sleeps, and he really does have eyes in the back of his head. We can assure you that your children will be safe in his care.

Thank you for visiting Mount Parnassus and the Hotel of the Gods! We hope you enjoy your stay with us and look forward to welcoming you again soon.

Vavin		Montparnasse-Bienvenüe		Saint Placide
Pasteur		Montparnasse-Bienvenüe		Edgar Quinet
Falguière		Montparnasse-Bienvenüe		Nôtre-Dame-des-Champs
Gaîté		Montparnasse-Bienvenüe		Duroc